for longer than 10 years i had six fingers on my right hand, and the cigarette was my favourite finger. i smoked because i wanted to look cool or when i was stressed out. i smoked because i was about to do something important or because i have been frightened. most of the times i just smoked because i could. i loved it.
once i did not love it so much, so i read this quit smoking-book by allen carr. i hated it so much that i started writing a book for him "The Easy Way To Stop Writing Self-Helping Books". I never managed to finish it. And i didnt quit smoking either.

years later i drove to thailand with just a few of my own cigarettes. i had to smoke the thai cigarettes which contain more poison than juschtschenkos lunch. right after inhaling the thick, acidly smoke spreads right under my skullcap and made my whole body feel awful. i hardly smoked, but on new years eve i had a few too many singha beers so i felt the urge to smoke. i managed to smoke a whole box. what can i say? i was wahnsinnig!

the next morning i begged my body on my knees to accept my apology. but it showed no mercy at all. under my skin i could feel the disgusting, black layer that did neither let poison out nor oxygen in. and it was even worse: the whole day my hands were shaking from convulsions (sometimes my legs and even my face), as if i got small electrical shocks. thai cigarettes spoilt my smoking party. since that night i have never touched a cigarette again.

so if you think about quitting smoking, get yourself some cigarettes from thailand (might be that the polish cigarettes work out, too) and smoke at least 20 of them whilst you drink roundabout 10 bottles of beer. everything should be finished within a few hours. i promise, you cannot feel scheisser.
and if it works out, you are more than invited to give me 7,90 €, this is how much this smartassbook costs.


glossary:
wahnsinnig - crazy
scheisser - shittier