I am a fan. A bit of the FC St. Pauli, but most of the time I just go there to drink beer and watch soccer people. People like me are disdainfully called Modefans. Never ever will I be able to make myself an important part of the St. Pauli Fankultur even though I have a Dauerkarte. This is why I decided to be a Fan of something else. You might find it weird, but: I am a fan of my dermatologist. Ok, I dont wear fan scarfs with her name and i dont do chants when I go to see her ("acnes going home" etc.). It is more like a silent worshipping coming straight from the heart.
the reason for this fanship is easy. When I was pestered by postpubertarian acne, she prescripted me a very hard medication without batting an eye. The pills turned my skin inside out and back and after that my skin was flawless. Even better was her explanation of the pills: "This medicament is usually for people with acne that bad that they are social outlaws and thinking of suicide."
This lady talks turkey. Grossartig!
So she did yesterday when I came to see her after some time. I asked her to remove three moles from my face. Her answer was hilarious: "I am going to burn them away. It will look as if someone had stubbed out a cigarette in your face, after about 5 days the scab will fall off and then it will heal for about four weeks. thats 100 euros."
I was not convinced. "I will get married in a few weeks. Should we do it after the wedding?"
"Yeah well, the wounds could ignite, then you could have a disgusting abscess an you might have to go to hospital. You know what? Ich habe schon Pferde kotze sehen: lets do it afterwards."

She shook my hand and we said goodbye. Of course I was very impressed and glad that I was already a fan. What a lady!

And this lady has an ad in her waiting room advertising beauty things, e.g. it says: DIE Weihnachtsüberraschung: Botox. And I would love to be present when she tells a client in her incomparable honest way: "It was about time for you. But stop dreaming: I can make your look more relaxed, but you will still have this gigantic, ugly nose and this scheisse as hell haircut."

what shall i say? i am a fan. but this adoration does not make me blind, and i have something someone to critisize: her receptionist. She is everything but a good example of beauty injections. Her upper lip is as numb as stephen b hawkings buttcheeks. Her brain does not seem to be very active either. Very bored she hangs out at the reception browsing the intouch. sometimes she picks up the phone. sometimes she doesnt.
not even this blitzbirne can keep me away from adoring the dermatologist. because i always imagine my dermatologist telling her receptionist how kacke she looks.


glossary:
Modefan - someone who only goes to FC St. Pauli soccer matches because its cool and you can drink beer and meet friends.
grossartig - great
"Ich habe schon Pferde kotzen sehen" - short form of "Ich habe schon Pferde vor der Apotheke kotzen sehen" which can be translated as: "I have seen horses puke in front of a drug store". but the actual meaning is: even things that seem safe can go wrong.
blitzbirne - flash bulb, colloquial for chucklehead
kacke - shitty